Snowing
by HarunoRin
Summary: It was snowing. That was good. He felt closer to her somehow when it snowed. NOT ANGST. Ichigo's not said her name since that day, but it can't stay that way forever! CUE Urahara's meddling!


**Dedicated to FionaH93, cause I can't believe I've not uploaded a Bleach fic yet!!!**

**Standard Disclaimer applies... but I'm working on it!**

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It was snowing. That was good. He felt closer to her somehow when it snowed.

He'd not said her name since that day though.

"Did you call?" He asked, looking at the blond man beside him, whose bare feet were stretched out on the bed in front of him.

Crossing his arms, Ichigo's companion snorted. "Of course." He said airily. "It won't be long now."

Ichigo smirked. "You haven't changed a bit, Hat'n'Clogs." Urahara chuckled. "I'm glad." Ichigo leaned against the headboard and eyed the end of his bed distastefully. "I hope they hurry up."

Urahara lifted off his hat and put it on the bedside table, his unlined face serious. "Not long now."

"You're telling me."

"Are you sure you don't want the others here?"

"No. I'm fine." Ichigo smiled. "Really." He looked out of the window. "It won't be long now, I can feel it."

"Hmm." Urahara said. "I'd have never thought you'd end up with cancer at thirty, Ichigo. You seemed... stronger."

Ichigo smirked. "You never thought maybe I prefer it like this?"

"No. If you had it your way it would have been ten years ago, right?" Ichigo blinked. "Didn't think I knew, huh? I know everything, Ichigo."

"You know... it was snowing that day too."

"I remember. You put on quite the show." Urahara grinned. "Yoruichi never did let you live it down."

Ichigo snorted. "It didn't work. In the end."

"There's time."

"Not in this lifetime."

Urahara looked up and his eyes swept the hospital room. "Is that why you refused the second bout of Chemo?" Ichigo looked away. "No one likes that, you know. After ten years to just give up..."

Ichigo sighed. "I'm older and wiser now though." He leaned back. "I'm not going to do something I don't want to just because some girl from my past ordered me otherwise... Not when I could actually do more good by following my own way."

"There's no guarantee that the 13 divisions will want you."

"Yeah there is." Ichigo grinned. "Don't mess with me." His smile softened with his eyes. "So... How's the cat?"

"Oh you know... wandering."

"Ah, and you're left with the kittens?"

"They're so cute."

"Uh-_huh._" Ichigo grinned. "You know, it's been ten years now... since she left me." He sighed and let his head fall backwards. "I still dream about it." He admitted, closing his eyes. "I just... had it all planned out, Y'know?" When the shopkeeper didn't make a sound he grunted. "I was twenty, and ready to plan my life..."

_**Ten Years ago.**_

_**Kurosaki Clinic, Karakura.**_

"Ugh." Ichigo grunted, dropping down onto his bed and putting one arm over his eyes. "I'll be glad when all of this is over."

"All of what?" The girl sat down beside him and leaned on his chest, watching him as he smirked and lifted his arm to look at her, taking one of her hands in his.

"This. The training to be a doctor, the need to lead two lives kept so... separate." His smirk softened and her eyes fixed on his. "You're probably the only thing connecting them."

She scoffed at that. "Idiot. What about your Nakama?"

"Oi, you know they're all away at university, midget. I'm only here to get work experience." He leaned up on his elbows and hovered close to her face as she looked at him fearlessly. Moving forward to catch her lips, he closed his eyes until the weight on his chest lifted completely. "Hey..."

"What do you mean 'when it's all over'?" She asked slowly, and Ichigo grinned lazily, sitting up and kissing the side of her neck.

"When Soul Society lets me become a full Shinigami. I'm not doing this double life thing forever." He sighed. "It's tiring. Especially when I know what it is I want to do." He scowled against her collarbone. "Screw this Human stuff... I know I'm a Shinigami first."

"Do you?" She asked, and pushed him away. "Do you really?"

He didn't quite understand the implications of that conversation, and instead assured her that all he wanted was to be able to share a full life... a Shinigami's life... with her.

And when she lay in his arms that night as the snow fell, he thought that was what she wanted too.

Then, the next night, it was as though his worst nightmares were back to taunt him. He'd thought it was a nightmare at first; it seemed too much like the images that had haunted his dreams after that first time until she lay with him.

A note on the desk.

Telling him to live a human life, experience humanity.

Telling him to finish medical school.

Telling him... to _love_ someone else.

He knew it was because she felt guilty, and he knew that the only way to see her again was to go to Seireitei. She wouldn't come back.

He had stormed Urahara's shop, screaming and demanding he be allowed entrance as the snow whipped about his face in an angry blizzard, but as Yoruichi and Urahara said, they had orders to deny him entry. So he lost his temper and made a scene.

Then he went home and tried- godammit he tried to kill himself. But _her_ words on the note taunted him, and he felt the start of a new resolve- he couldn't do everything she asked of him; he'd never love someone else, but he'd finish medical school, and live until something- anything- killed him naturally.

Not to say that he didn't occasionally cross the road without looking, or ignore the instructions on medicines and go a couple of days now and then without eating because he didn't feel like it!

It wasn't until a year later that he had walked past the shop unintentionally and entered to find the two drinking sake that he sat down with them and poured a cup for himself. He'd sneered at the snow falling outside, mocking him.

And he'd not said her name since.

_**Present Day**_

_**Kurosaki Ichigo's hospital room**_

"You know, I was going to marry her? Not that it- but not long now." Ichigo smiled. "Looks like I win this one, midget." He closed his eyes and sighed as he began to drift off.

"Oh for- Oi! Ichigo!" His eyes snapped open. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Uh..." He stared at the face in front of him, flushed in anger and tightened in a scowl. "Where's Hat'n'Clogs?"

"Are you blind as well as stupid? He left when I arrived and you had your stupid-ass eyes closed. Godammit Ichigo I thought you were better than this."

"You got the call then?"

"Hm." She grunted, throwing herself down on the bed, sitting beside him with her back to his chest.

"Oh you're _not_ angry?"

"Of course I am!" She whirled to face him. "This is stupid!" She hit him on the shoulder. "You're stupid! I just..." She bent her head, and he had the horrible feeling that she was crying. He reached for her. "I just wanted you to have a chance."

"Not many chances when you end up loving death, Shinigami."

"Not Shinigami." She smirked. "Kuchiki Rukia."

He smiled. "Kurosaki Ichigo."

No, he'd not said her name since that day.

"Let's go... Rukia."

That was gonna have to change.

"Don't think I'm not pissed as hell at you right now. You are so gonna get your ass kicked."

"Sure, sure... Wait... Is that a Lieutenant's badge?!"

She laughed.

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**YAY! For those angry at me for not doing more on "Haruhi" I'm working on it! But coursework leads to a sense of horror whenever dealing with word documents...**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!! YOU KNOW THAT BUTTON IS CALLING TO YOU!**


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